Soap

The Tate family is rich and has many secrets to hide. The Campbell family is working-class and tackling many personal problems.

After her tennis lesson, Jessica lunches with Mary, who mistakes her sister's glow for a facelift. At the office, Claire catches Chester wooing his newest mistress via telephone. Claire threatens to tell Jessica; when that fails to scare Chester, she also threatens to call the SEC. Jodie comes out of Mary's closet wearing one of her outfits and blonde wig. Mary tells Burt that Jodie wears her outfit better. . . and that is not Jodie's big surprise! Burt ran into his long lost son at a sporting goods store; he is coming to dinner that evening to meet the family. Danny has a surprise: the Godfather says he has to kill Burt in order to get out of the Mob. Benson is the only one who has fun when the Campbells gather at the Tate home for dinner. As the epithets and fists fly (and Jessica glows) Benson opens the front door and admits Burt's son, Peter. Jessica and Corinne are both shocked; and Jodie is titillated. Tennis, anyone?

The families are introduced to Peter Campbell, Burt's son from his first marriage; the Godfather offers Danny a contract to leave the mob, by killing his own stepfather Burt.

NFL quarterback Dennis Phillips turns out to be Jodie's boyfriend; Danny makes several hilarious attempts on Burt's life while the oblivious victim is happily making a sandwich. Claire tells Chester to get a divorce or else....

Corinne reveals her feelings for Catholic priest Father Timothy Flotsky, but still decides to move in with Burt's son Peter; Burt cannot reveal his secret to a sex psychiatrist, who admits to his own troubles from a Playboy bunny.

Father Tim has to raise his voice in church to drown out Corinne's pleas; Jessica blames Chester for her affair with Peter, as he was the one who bought her a tennis racket for her birthday.

Chuck and Bob arrive from Hawaii, insulting everyone within earshot; Chester's secretary Claire reveals all to Jessica, who believes only that the poor girl is delusional about having an affair with her husband; on a fishing trip with Danny at a secluded cabin, Burt goes from jubilant to nervous as his stepson reveals his intent to kill him.

Unable to kill his stepfather Burt, Danny must now hide out from the mob, telling his mother that he's been chosen to work undercover as a spy.

Awaiting his sex change operation, Jodie befriends an elderly Jew named Barney Gerber, and a pretty nurse who jumps at the chance to 'convert' a homosexual; Burt tells Dr. Medlow how he killed Mary's first husband in self defense, and is assured that it was not premeditated.

An ecstatic Burt returns home ready to celebrate after six months of celibacy, but a distraught Mary is unable to reciprocate; devastated at losing Dennis to a woman, Jodie swallows 45 pills in a desperate suicide attempt, tearfully slipping away as Barney Gerber displays his joy for life.

Barney Gerber reassures Burt and Mary that Jodie is doing fine, while Jessica confesses her affair with Peter to her husband Chester, who only feels amusement at her unfaithfulness.

Jessica delivers an ultimatum to the philandering Chester, and threatens to kill Peter Campbell for lying to her and betraying her daughter Corinne; late that night, while in the shower, Peter is murdered by an unseen assailant.

In the aftermath of Peter's murder, Chief of Police Tinkler goes over the facts with both the Tates and the Campbells.

In the aftermath of Peter's murder, the Tates and Campbells take turns suspecting each other. Chief of Police Tinkler arrives to make a startling arrest.

Corrine's natural mother, formerly the Tates' Swedish maid, travels to Dunn's River to be with her daughter; tiring of running from the mob, Danny winds up in bed with the daughter of mob boss Mr. Lefkowitz.

Corinne meets her real mother, Ingrid Svenson, for the very first time; still vengeful at the loss of her child, Ingrid has hired a German detective whose abrasive nature rubs Benson the wrong way; and Chief of Police Tinkler gathers enough evidence to arrest Jessica for Peter's murder.

Chester has to mortgage the house to make Jessica's bail; Burt claims he can make himself invisible.

Chester enlists on Jessica's behalf E. Ronald Mallu, the most expensive attorney money can buy; Chester's spiteful secretary Claire finally makes good on her threats by turning him in to the SEC.

E. Ronald Mallu struggles to find good character witnesses for Jessica among her crazy family; Jessica's heartfelt pleas to Corinne are shot down by the bitter Ingrid Svenson, who convinces Corinne that she only did it to prevent her testifying against her mother in court.

Exhausted by Elaine's affections, Danny is stunned to learn that he must marry her or have his brains blown out; Jodie hides Bob in the refrigerator, only to learn that Chuck cannot carry on a conversation without another identity.

Jessica's trial begins, with the prosecutor saying such nasty things about her that she threatens not to come back; Jodie meets Carol David, E. Ronald Mallu's assistant, who finds the 'suicidal homosexual' adorable.

While dining at a Japanese restaurant, Carol convinces Jodie to go away with her for a weekend; Jessica's trial continues, with the prosecutor announcing a surprise witness.

Burt finally tells Mary how he killed her first husband; Ingrid loses Corinne after sleeping with Judge Petrillo; and Tim's mother can't suppress the desire to strangle Corinne, the girl who stole her son away from the priesthood.

Jodie wakes up in bed with Carol, understandably confused about the previous night's events; Chief of Police Tinkler drops by to arrest Chester for his stock manipulations; E. Ronald Mallu's summation brings Jessica's trial to a close.

Tim and Corinne plan their wedding; Carol convinces Jodie that they should live together; and the jury returns a verdict in Jessica's trial.

Chester tries to commit suicide, Jodie moves in with Carol, Mary suspects Burt of having an affair, Mother Flotsky puts a curse on Tim and Corinne, Jessica is sentenced to 50 years for killing Peter, and Chester confesses that he's the real murderer and meets Dutch, his new cellmate. Chester saves Jessica by confessing to Peter's murder, which lands him in a cell with convicted killer Dutch Leitner; Carol cannot bring herself to tell Jodie he's going to be a father.

Danny marries Elaine; Jodie returns home from a date with Dennis to hear Carol reveal that she's pregnant; Dutch and Chester escape from prison and hide out in the Tate cellar.

Dutch and Eunice spend the night together; Tim's mother makes an unexpected appearance at his wedding to Corinne; Mary's problems just can't seem to top Jessica's.

As Corinne works her charms on her new husband, Tim's vengeful mother interrupts the honeymoon; Danny tries to curb his wife's expensive tastes by killing her with kindness; Mary decides to go to college; and Chester's birthday celebration abruptly ends when he suffers another blackout.

Chester's doctor reveals how he was able to commit murder, requiring a delicate brain operation; Danny refuses to allow Elaine to eat or sleep because nothing is good enough for her; and Tim's mother has the temerity to place a curse upon her 'fallen priest' son with her dying breath.

Jodie tells Dennis about his impending marriage to Carol; Mary convinces Danny to try being nice to Elaine; no one is more surprised than the doctor to find that Chester survived the operation.

Carol introduces Jodie to her overprotective father; Elaine confesses her love to Danny; Burt's secretary Sally reveals her love for him.

The amnesiac Chester returns home; Eunice wants to join Dutch at his grandmother's farm; Corinne reveals that she's pregnant; and Burt spies his wife on the couch with her English professor, reaches the wrong conclusion, then spends the night in bed with Sally.

Burt must concoct a wild story to explain to Mary why he never came home the previous night; Jessica confides that Chester might have started cheating on her on their wedding night, which explains how the chambermaid's underwear got into her suitcase.

Dutch tells Jessica how he killed an extortionist in self defense; an amnesiac Chester has vanished; and Elaine's loving new relationship with her husband is interrupted when she gets kidnapped by two masked men.

Detective Donohue is hired to find the missing Chester; Corinne, married for one month, finds out that she's five months pregnant; Jodie directs a TV commercial featuring Mr. Peppy Flake and Rodney Raisin; and Elaine's kidnappers demand a huge ransom for her safe return.

Danny negotiates with Elaine's kidnappers; Detective Donohue confesses his love for Jessica; and Jodie's marriage to Carol is called off by the absent bride.

Tim refuses to believe that Corinne's baby is his; Burt lies to Mary about his partner of that wayward night; Elaine escapes from her kidnappers, only to die in her husband's arms.

Burt tries to end his relationship with Sally; Eunice and Dutch have visitors at the farmhouse; Detective Donahue reports Chester's death, unaware that he's now a stranded hobo still suffering from amnesia.

Sally reveals to Mary that she's the one who's been sleeping with Burt and that he's now cheating on them both; Jodie journeys to Texas to visit Carol and assure her that he has no intention of being a negligent father.

The police catch up with Dutch; Tim decides to make his peace with God by going off to live in a cave; Jodie meets a suicidal girl who reveals that she too is gay (her father's secretary was dating them both); Burt finds a note from Mary, saying that she's left him; despite being pregnant only a few weeks, Corinne suddenly goes into labor.

Corinne gives birth to a gorgeous baby boy; at Jodie's apartment, Alice shows herself to be a Jewish mother; Burt vows to prove his innocence to the disbelieving Mary; Chester finally regains his memory and heads home to his 'loving wife named Jessica, and a fine young son named Benson.'

Burt discovers that Sally lied to Mary about everything because she was being blackmailed by Ingrid Svenson, Corinne's vengeful natural mother; Jessica finally sleeps with Detective Donahue, only to return home to find her supposedly dead husband at the front door.

Sally reveals her lies--and the porno film that proves how she was being blackmailed--to a relieved Mary; Chester again shows amusement at the thought of his wife having an affair; Billy falls for a member of a religious cult called The Sunnies; and strange sounds emanate from Corinne's baby's nursery.

Corinne visits Tim in his cave to convince him to make his peace with God by saving his possessed son; Danny's quest to find the kidnappers who murdered his wife result in Burt spotting a flying saucer that no one else sees.

No one believes Burt has seen a flying saucer; Benson worries that Billy is spending too much time with The Sunnies; jealous about their respective dates, Jodie and Alice compromise by dating each other.

Jessica drives The Devil out of her grandson but cannot choose between Chester and Detective Donahue; Danny is captured by his wife's kidnapper, whose girlfriend Millie takes a shine to him; Billy finds himself a prisoner of The Sunnies; and Burt returns to the site where he saw the flying saucer--and vanishes in a flash of light.

Burt finds himself captive on an alien spaceship, with a duplicate of him ready to take his place in Mary's bed; Carol's mother arrives with his newborn daughter Wendy; Jessica chooses Chester over Detective Donohue.

Mary exults about Burt's sudden resurgence in bed, unaware that he's an alien duplicate of her husband; since Wendy's mother abandoned her baby to run off with a cowboy, Jodie takes sole care of his daughter now that his best friend Alice is out of the picture; Burt meets another captive on the spaceship: a 4000-year-old Jewish man named Saul.

After Billy is rescued from The Sunnies, Benson bids farewell to Jessica to work in the mansion of her cousin the Governor; Burt and Saul try to make their escape; Mary begins to suspect that her Burt is not a different man but another man.v

Jessica convinces Detective Donahue to leave; Chester falls into old habits with an old flame; Danny is rescued by Millie, the girlfriend of his wife's killer; Billy's divorced teacher, Mrs. Leslie Walker, enjoys his flattery after confessing her loneliness.

Dutch is finally released from prison; the alien Burt mistakes Millie for his stepson Jodie; Saul beams the real Burt back down to the Campbell home, where he comes face-to-face with his duplicate.

The alien Burt prevents Mary from seeing the real Burt; Eunice admits that she can't stand Dutch; Billy takes Leslie to an out-of-the-way place where they must avoid being seen by Chester and Eunice; and the mismatched Tim and Corinne agree to divorce.

Billy spends his first evening in Leslie's apartment and meets her condescending first husband; the real Burt is beamed back to the ship right in front of Mary, who concludes that he really can make himself invisible.

Billy tries to take Leslie to a hotel, but it's the same one in which every member of his family seems to be planning to spend the night; the two Burts meet for a final confrontation.

Billy tells his mother about Leslie; Burt reveals everything about his alien double to Mary; while visiting his wife's grave, Danny meets Polly, a pretty black widow.

Burt laments that Danny has fallen for a black widow; Jessica walks out on her cheating husband; Jodie gets a surprise visit from a social worker.

Chester begs Jessica for another chance; Jodie decides to move back home with his daughter Wendy; Leslie plans a surprise gift for Billy's 18th birthday.

Danny catches up with Polly; Chester and Jessica attend a counseling session with a minister; Burt's doctor reveals that Mary is pregnant--and that Burt's insomnia is caused by a fatal blood disease.

Mary's joyful pregnancy is tempered by the fear that it might turn out to be the child of Alien Burt; after spending the night in bed with Leslie, Billy admits that he's finally found something better than television.

The Campbells receive a visit from Polly's family; Danny learns about Burt's illness and suggests that he leave his legacy by getting into the Guinness Book of World Records; Chester has fallen for the minister's daughter, so Jessica finally kicks him out of the house.

Burt cannot bring himself to tell Mary about his terminal illness; Jessica learns that her old flame Detective Donahue has married someone else.

Jessica goes to psychiatrist Dr. Alan Posner, who keeps a punching bag in his office; Wendy's mother Carol, who jilted Jodie at the altar, makes an unannounced visit; Burt's doctor reveals he's not really dying after all; and Eunice abandons Dutch.

Danny and Polly decide to buy a house; Corinne and Dutch spend the night together; Carol tells Jodie that she intends to go to court to take her daughter away from him.

Burt decides to run for sheriff; Jodie hires Jessica's attorney E. Ronald Mallu for his custody case; after meeting Jessica's crazy family, Dr. Posner believes he could open an office there.

Danny and Polly find their new neighbors hostile; Billy tries to break up with a suddenly-suicidal Leslie; the Tates welcome new butler Saunders as Jessica collapses during a dinner party.

Dr. Hill treats Jessica in the hospital; Jodie's custody trial begins; and Burt is elected the new sheriff, if he can only get the old one to resign.

Dr. Hill tells Jessica she only has days or weeks left to live; Chester moves back home in time for Leslie's latest suicide attempt; Dutch and Corinne are startled by the surprise return of Eunice.

Danny proposes marriage to Polly; Sheriff Burt and Deputy Danny are set up for blackmail by mobster Elmore Tibbs; Dutch cannot choose between two sisters; Carol's mother joins her in perjuring herself in court; Leslie decides to kill Billy; Jessica's death watch features a surprise visit from Benson.

Jessica comes out of her coma; Eunice wins Dutch from Corinne; Burt and Danny receive blackmail photos; Mary's baby seems normal; Jodie's custody battle for Wendy is decided.

Corinne bids goodbye to her mother; Polly turns down Danny's marriage proposal; Burt refuses to knuckle under to Tibbs; Mary returns home with baby Scott; Jodie discovers that his daughter Wendy has been kidnapped.

Jessica admires Burt's blackmail photos; Eunice and Dutch announce their engagement, as Jessica banishes Chester to the pool house.

As Dutch and Eunice tie the knot, Chester meets Eunice's maid of honor, Annie; the X-rated photos of Burt appear in the newspaper and Burt and Mary face the public's outrage, as well as each other's; Annie moves into the poolhouse with Chester; on her private vacation to Malaguay, Jessica frees El Puerco, a Malaguayan revolutionary, who immediately takes her hostage.

Jodie hires private detective Maggie to find his kidnapped daughter; Billy heads off to Malaguay to find his mother; Mary is depressed over the media's treatment of her husband, who plans to infiltrate one of Tibbs' massage parlors for evidence.

Burt and Danny disguise themselves at the massage parlor; Danny recognizes Gwen as one of the girls in the blackmail photos; with Jessica still lost in Malaguay, the Tates have no access to her money.

Jessica convinces El to conduct his revolution from her Connecticut home; Danny promises protection for Gwen; the Tates are still strapped for cash as Dutch gets fired from a car wash because he didn't know what 'agua' meant.

Learning that Carol is now into rodeo clowns, Jodie and Maggie follow her trail to Albuquerque; Danny persuades Gwen to tone down her clientele while under his protective custody.

Jessica's entourage arrives home safely; as Danny and Gwen acknowledge each other's feelings, Jodie and Maggie admit their attraction for each other; Burt's crisis of faith results in the death of his boyhood Bishop.

After Jessica announces that she's now officially divorced from Chester, he announces his engagement to Annie; Jodie and Maggie confirm their relationship; a bullet meant for Gwen hits Danny instead.

Burt vows to make Tibbs pay for his crimes; Jessica makes an unsuccessful attempt to seduce El; Danny's critical injury requires a kidney from a blood relative.

Jodie and Maggie are taken captive by Minja warriors in Malibu; Burt becomes a hero after finally capturing Tibbs; and Mary reveals that Danny's natural father is Chester.

Jessica and Danny are both shocked by the news that Chester is Danny's real father; Burt becomes a media hero because of his attack on Tibbs; Chester and Danny face surgery together.

Chester becomes the vital kidney donor on Danny's behalf; Dutch and Eunice try to spice up their sex life by playacting; believing her sister has betrayed her, Jessica refuses to speak to a despondent Mary, who reveals how their mother arranged scatterbrained Jessica's marriage to embezzler Chester.

Burt alienates his family as his fame continues to grow; Danny is offended when Burt disapproves of his plans to marry Gwen; Jessica forgives Chester, but can't forgive Mary; Saunders proposes a plan to rescue Jodie and Maggie; Gwen is coerced by a hoodlum into spying on Burt and Danny.

Jodie, Maggie and Wendy are rescued from the fortress by Burt, Chuck, Bob, Billy, El Puerco, Juan One, the Major, Dutch, and Saunders; Jessica and Mary come to an understanding; Mary tells Jessica that she has a drinking problem, the baby may be an alien, and she fears she is losing Burt; Jodie decides to see a therapist so he can be sure about his relationship with Maggie; Danny blames Burt when Gwen runs away; Jodie signs up for hypnotherapy with Dr. Rudolph.

El Puerco learns a few things about women after spending the night with Jessica; Eunice is driving Dutch a bit crazy with her fantasy games in bed; Chester and Annie announce that they are married, but Chester continues to act possessively toward Jessica; Mary walks out on Burt when he accuses her of being drunk; Dutch fails to turn Eunice on with his Cyrano de Bergerac costume; Jodie comes out of hypnosis believing that he's a 90-year-old Jewish man named Julius Kassendorf.

Burt is offered a job by The Governor, who wants him to become the new Lieutenant Governor; Chester goes mad with jealousy over Jessica and El Puerco; Danny and Annie turn to each other for comfort; Mary tries to convince Burt that their baby isn't normal; Julius is brought home by Jodie's psychiatrist to meet the Campbells.

El Puerco challenges Chester to a duel; Jessica expresses concern about Burt and Mary's marital problems; Danny and Annie succumb to their mutual sexual attractions; Maggie meets Julius, and expresses shock at Jodie's mental transformation; Burt makes political enemies after addressing a panel of senators.

Burt is asked by The Governor to disassociate himself from the Tates and the rest of the Campbells; Jessica is taken hostage by El Puerco's Communist enemies led by General Luis Sandia; The Tates receive the kidnappers' terms; Julius comforts Mary; Burt's enemies plot to kill him,

Burt receives a tip about a major drug transaction; Danny tells Burt that he's in love with Annie; The Tates, Dutch and El Puerco worry about Jessica; Chester receives a call from Gen. Sandia and breaks the news to everyone that if El Puerco does not return to Malaguay in 36 hours, Gen. Sandia's forces would kill Jessica; Jessica makes life difficult for her communist captors, who demand El Puerco's surrender; she nevertheless prepares to face her execution; Chester catches Danny in bed with Annie; in his anger, he points his gun at the both of them and prepares to pull the trigger; Burt, not realizing that the drug deal tip he received was phony, walks into an ambush; Jessica faces the firing squad.