The Bernie Mac Show

S01E01 Pilot 2001-11-14

In the pilot, much to his chagrin, Bernie and Wanda are forced to take care of his sister's three children, Vanessa, Jordan, and Bryanna since she can no longer take care of them anymore.

S01E02 Now You Got It 2001-11-14

Bernie's desperate to get away to Vegas with his friends, but Bryana's birthday and the germ infested children that it causes make it a difficulty.

S01E03 The Main Event 2001-11-21

Jordan is tormented by bullies at school, so Bernie teaches him some moves that unfortunately turn Jordan into a monster.

S01E04 Bernie Mac, Ladies Man 2001-11-28

When Wanda plans a play date for a group of kids, Bernie ends up winning over the moms for the afternoon and becoming defensive about his masculinity.

S01E05 Saving Bernie Mac 2001-12-05

Bernie and Wanda bring the kids to church to discipline them, but Bernie ends up being the immature one. Later on, the Bishop and Deacon show up at Bernie's house during his poker night and suggest that Bernie allow them to use his house for bible study.

S01E06 Here to Stay 2001-12-12

Bernie realizes that the kids are here to stay, so he begins treating them differently. Wanda complains that Bernie is treating the kids like roomates and holds off sex from him until he realizes the kids are truly part of their family.

S01E07 A Christmas Story 2001-12-19

The kids get a dog from the pound, thinking it will be the perfect present for Bernie. Bernie finds the dog, hides it, thinking it is the perfect present for the kisd. They think he took it back to the pound, so they try and get revenge.

S01E08 Starting School 2002-01-02

Separate schools have been chosen for each of the kids, with their individual needs in mind. Baby Girl's school lets each child decide what they wish to learn. A Catholic school with its strict discipline is chosen for Jordan and an all-round school for Nessa. When the first day of school begins, Bernie discovers the hard work of getting them there, presentable and prepared.

S01E09 Hot Hot Hot 2002-01-16

On a hot day, Vanessa detours the family's trip to the water park. Back at home, the kids act wild and the air conditioning breaks.

S01E10 Wanda's Week Off 2002-01-23

Wanda spends time with the kids and considers having a child with Bernie.

S01E11 The King and I 2002-01-30

When Bernie realizes that anything he says to Jordan and Bryana first goes through Vanessa, he decides to stop fighting the situation and let Vanessa be responsible for the kids.

S01E12 Hall of Fame 2002-02-06

Jordan sets his sights on joining Vanessa and Bryana on the Bernie Mac Hall of Fame awards shelf. He decides to join his school's football team after hearing that everyone on the squad gets a trophy just for participating. Bernie is thrilled that Jordan is playing football until he sees his playing skills.

S01E13 Handle Your Business 2002-02-13

Bernie is booked on a popular morning radio show, and he gets himself into trouble with the whole family when he draws from his private life to bring comedy to the public airwaves.

S01E14 Back in the Day 2002-02-20

At age 44, with a house full of kids, Bernie Mac starts to feel his age. He attempts to fight it, but it's a losing battle.

S01E15 Lock Down 2002-03-06

When someone breaks into the Mac house, Bernie realizes how vulnerable his family is and turns the house into a high-security compound. Bernie is reminded by his friends of all the crime that happens outside of the home and drives his family crazy with his over-protectiveness.

S01E16 Mac 101 2002-03-27

Impressed by the behavior and talents of another family's kids, Bernie cracks down on his own with a program of constant studying.

S01E17 If I Were N-Riched Man 2002-04-03

After hearing Bernie use inappropriate language at home, Bryana goes to school and repeats itâ€"much to the horror of her teacher. Soon after, a social worker shows up at the house to discuss Bernie's hostility problems.

S01E18 Stop Having Sex 2002-04-17

Bernie is concerned that the kids are exposed to mature subjects.

S01E19 Secrets and Lies 2002-05-01

Bernie takes Jordan to a Clippers' game but tells Wanda that Jordan has had an asthma attack and had to go to the hospital. Wanda tries to help Jordan 'feel better'. He feels guilty and asks Bernie if he can admit his wrongdoing. Bernie explains that it is occasionally ok to lie, but Jordan takes it to a whole new level. He manipulates his sisters, aunt, school, and even Bernie. When the family has dinner a slew of lies are admitted by everyone in the family.

S01E20 Kelly's Heroes 2002-05-08

Bernie lets his friend Kelly stay at the house after his girlfriend, Daphne, broke up with him.

S01E21 Sweet Home Chicago (1) 2002-05-15

The kids hope to see their mother when the family heads to Chicago for a funeral.

S01E22 Sweet Home Chicago (2) 2002-05-15

The kids hope to see their mother when the family heads to Chicago for a funeral. Don Cheadle guest stars as Bernie's Cousin D.

S02E01 Keep It on the Short Grass 2002-09-18

Bernie creates a public relations disaster while facing off with Matt Damon and Lucy Lawless in a charity golf tournament.

S02E02 Goodbye Dolly 2002-09-25

Bernie Mac tries to ween Bryana off her doll.

S02E03 Carfool 2002-10-30

Car-pool complications wreck Bernie; a boy in the car pool starts blackmailing Jordan to be his friend.

S02E04 Mac Local 137 2002-11-06

The kids go on strike, after Bernie Mac doesn't pay them for the extra work they have to do.

S02E05 Welcome to the Jungle 2002-11-13

Shortly after Jordan gets a snake for a school project, Bryana and Jordan starting fighting each other like wild animals.

S02E06 Bernie Mac Dance Party 2002-11-20

Vanessa fails to invite Bernie to a father-daughter dance, and it drives him crazy.

S02E07 Tryptophan-tasy 2002-11-27

After eating an entire Thanksgiving turkey, Bernie Mac has some weird nightmares; ones that might be telling him something.

S02E08 The United Front 2002-12-04

Bernie and Wanda strive to present a united front when disciplining the children; Wanda becomes unhappy with this strategy because she's accustomed to playing the good cop.

S02E09 The Sweet Life 2002-12-11

Bernie Mac learns that he has high cholesterol, but refuses to change his eating habits/diet.

S02E10 Sin Cup 2003-01-15

Jordan receives a lecture on sins from Father Cronin, but it seems to really hit home on Bryana. In addition, both Jordan and Bryana learn that Bernie Mac is a big sinner too.

S02E11 Bernie Mac Rope-a-Dope 2003-02-05

Bernie offends Wanda's boss (Wesley Snipes) at a dinner party.

S02E12 Magic Jordan 2003-02-12

Jordan learns some magic tricks and uses them to charm his first crush.

S02E13 Raging Election 2003-02-26

Bernie calls on India.Arie to help out with Vanessa's talent show.

S02E14 Leaving Los Angeles 2003-03-12

Bernie delays his Las Vegas flight to take the children to the movies as promised; Bryanna and Jordan sneak out of a G-rated movie to watch more-exciting fare.

S02E15 Pink Gold 2003-03-19

When Jordan learns that Bryana has pink eye and has to miss a whole week of school, he goes crazy deliberately trying to get it too. But his results keep backfiring even in the end.

S02E16 Chess Wars 2003-04-09

Jordan tries to butter Bernie Mac up by playing chess with him just so he can play paint ball. When that doesn't work, Jordan sets his own little chess simulation up, which Bernie Mac totally falls for.

S02E17 The Incredible Bulk 2003-04-16

Tired of having to run to the store all the time for the kids, Bernie Mac's friends introduce him to Cost Depot. At first this solution is so simple/fun but it soon gets very addicting.

S02E18 Maid Man 2003-04-23

Bernie Mac gets a maid for himself only but the kids use the maid behind his back.

S02E19 Nut Job 2003-04-30

Upset that the kids laze about every Saturday, he gets them involved in extra curricular activities. But he soon learns that, letting them laze about would have been better, as he has to be good parent and help out with these activities.

S02E20 The Other Sister 2003-05-07

Bernie Mac's other sister Benita stops by for a visit and seems to corrupt the kids.

S02E21 Meet the Grandparents 2003-05-07

Wanda's parents come for a visit and start seeming to run the house better than them. But when Wanda and Bernie go out for a day, the grandparents have a bit of a tough time watching the kids.

S02E22 For a Few Dollars More 2003-05-14

Bernie Mac tries to give Jordan the best birthday party ever.

S03E01 Eye of the Tiger 2003-11-30

Jordan tries out for the basketball team, but the coach decides he is better suited for gymnastics -- as a ribbon dancer.

S03E02 Love Thy Nephew 2003-12-07

When a litigious neighbor (Greg Germann) asks Bernie to tear down the treehouse he built for Jordan, it leads to an all-night standoff.

S03E03 Road to Tradition 2003-12-14

When the children become obsessed with gifts, Bernie decides to cancel Christmas altogether; Wanda loses the Christmas spirit when she tries to get everyone on her staff a gift.

S03E04 Laughing Matters 2003-12-21

Bernie turns to Angela Bassett for acting advice when he lands a dramatic role as a stroke victim; Jordan leads a revolt at a day care facility; Vanessa pretends to be poor.

S03E05 Hair Jordan 2004-01-04

Bernie takes Jordan to the local barber shop to meet his friends. Unfortunately, Aunt Wanda doesn't like what goes on there, when Jordan casually repeats things said there. Bernie tells Jordan the code; what happens there stays there. Unfortunately, he forgets the 2nd half, what's said at home; stays there.

S03E06 Love Bug 2004-01-11

Bernie tries to scare away Vanessa's new boyfriend but realizes what a good role model he is for Jordan; Wanda has trouble letting go of her old shoes.

S03E07 It's a Wonderful Wife 2004-01-25

Wanda disrupts Bernie's writing process as he prepares for an appearance on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."

S03E08 Family Reunion 2004-02-08

Relatives pester Bernie at a family barbecue; Bernie quashes Vanessa's flirtation with a distant cousin.

S03E09 Droobie or Not Droobie 2004-02-15

Bryana is upset when Bernie takes a villainous role opposite her favorite character, a friendly dinosaur (David Faustino); Jordan sells candy bars at school.

S03E10 J-O-R-D-A-N Spells Funny 2004-02-22

Jordan is found to be a champion speller---until he gets in front of an audience. But Bernie's tip on beating stage fright backfires.

S03E11 Make Room for Caddy 2004-03-07

Despite Bernie's offer to buy him a car, Wanda's father cannot get along with him; flashbacks show when they all met.

S03E12 Saving Sergeant Tompkins 2004-03-14

Bernie realizes he may have been too truthful when telling Jordan about his father, so he amends the truth to make Jordan think well of his father.

S03E13 It's Mac-ademic 2004-03-22

Bernie volunteers as a teacher's helper to assess the teaching methods used at Bryana's school; Wanda is at wits' end trying to reason with Vanessa and Jordan.

S03E14 The Getaway 2004-03-29

The family goes to San Diego for a relaxing vacation; Bernie, unable to relax, goes to Las Vegas for some gambling and debauchery.

S03E15 Easy Rider 2004-04-05

Bernie Mac gets a motorcycle, but after crashing and having a dream of what would happen if he died; he goes crazy safety-proofing the house.

S03E16 Who's That Lady 2004-04-12

Dr. Phil McGraw counsels Bernie on how to deal with Wanda, who feels left out after Bernie and the guys draft a woman (Mo'Nique) into their group.

S03E17 Mac-Inations 2004-04-12

Neighbor Carl Reiner plays the ultimate practical joke on Bernie.

S03E18 That Old Mac Magic 2004-04-26

Spending time with Bernie's manager teaches Jordan some harsh realities of show business. Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson have cameos.

S03E19 The Talk 2004-04-26

Bernie stops by the Playboy Mansion to get advice from Hugh Hefner on how to talk to Jordan about sex.

S03E20 Five Stages of Bryana 2004-06-15

Bryana starts turning into a monster (acting like a spoiled brat, stealing things, and etc)

S03E21 Go Bernie, It's Your Birthday 2004-06-22

On Bernie's 40th birthday, he is electrically shocked by an old lady and forced to be a clown at a children's party.

S03E22 Thanksgiving 2004-06-29

The Mac family is invited over to one of Vanessa's teachers for Thanksgiving dinner; who are all vegetarians.

S04E01 Big Brother 2004-09-08

After overhearing that Vanessa once smoked, Bernie Mac pries into her journal. Soon he gets hidden cameras all throughout the house and becomes addicted to watching everyone's secrets. But eventually he gets more than he bargained for.

S04E02 Stiff Upper Lip 2004-09-15

After Bernie takes the training wheels off Bryana's bike, she crashes and injures her jaw. Bernie is later coerced into chaperoning her and several other special needs kids on a field trip. Meanwhile Jordan, finds an old cast and uses to get out of gym class.

S04E03 Being Bernie Mac 2004-09-22

Bernie must baby-sit for Bryana and deal with Jordan, who was sent home from school for pulling a fire alarm unnecessarily.

S04E04 Mac Overdrive 2004-09-29

Bernie has no patience when trying to teach Vanessa to drive.

S04E05 My Privacy 2005-01-14

After Bryana accidentally sees Bernie Mac naked, he has her share Vanessa's room so she can be with the same sex. But when things don't work out well, they're forced to add another bedroom, so each kid has their own separate room.

S04E06 Who Gives This Bride 2005-01-14

Bernie's little sister is getting married, but the way Wanda throws herself into the planning, one would think she's the bride..

S04E07 Nerdy Mac 2005-01-21

Bryana's standardized test scores prompt Bernie to send her to Jordan's school, but she is so far behind that they threaten to move her back a grade.

S04E08 Stone Nuts 2005-01-28

Jordan tries to fit in with the popular crowd and, after taking Bernie's advice, winds up losing his lunch money in a poker game.

S04E09 Jack & Jacqueline 2005-02-04

Wanda urges Vanessa to join an enrichment organization she once belonged to, but they learn times have changed when Vanessa and her new friends are charged with shoplifting.

S04E10 Manchild in Vanessa Land 2005-02-11

Vanessa starts dating a boy and Bernie likes him until he finds out he has a child.

S04E11 You Don't Know Squad 2005-02-18

Vanessa tries to increase her chances of being accepted into a college by joining the drill team, which pleases Bernie until he sees one of the squad's provocative routines.

S04E12 You Got Served 2005-02-25

After a tragic accident happens at Bryana's birthday party, Bernie Mac gets summoned.

S04E13 I Don't Wanna Be a Playa No More 2005-03-11

When Jordan develops a crush on a girl at school, Bernie takes it upon himself to teach Jordan how to be a "player" and get the girl.

S04E14 The Big Picture 2005-03-18

Jordan's prank anonymous phone calls have surprising consequences.

S04E15 The Music Mac 2005-04-01

Nessa wants to surprise everyone with her talent for music.

S04E16 Walk Like a Man 2005-04-08

Bernie is sick and tired of Jordan staying home, watching TV, and fighting with Bryana. He wants him to walk home with his kids his own age, but this makes the situation worse.

S05E01 Father Knows Best 2005-09-23

When a man arrives from Chicago claiming to be Bryana's father, Bernie is cautiously supportive.

S05E02 Wrestling with a Sticky Situation 2005-09-23

Jordan joins the wrestling team and wins matches by default because there's no one in his size/weight range to battle. But Bernie Mac doesn't know this.

S05E03 Marathon Mac 2005-09-30

Upset that the kids are dropping out of their extra curricular activities Bernie Mac decides to run in a marathon, but its much harder than he thought. In the end, Vanessa takes his place.

S05E04 The Big Payback 2005-10-07

Upset that Vanessa is living the free life, Bernie Mac has Vanessa work for him. Shortly, after wards Vanessa learns that his co-workers get all this free stuff because they mention they work for Bernie Mac. Vanessa takes big advantage of this, until Bernie Mac finds out. Later on, Vanessa has to bring one of his precious statues home but it breaks in a car accident. Jordan offers to fix it, with of course a price (some of the free stuff Vanessa got).

S05E05 Car Wars 2005-10-21

Vanessa turns to Curtis for help fixing up her junk heap when Bernie refuses to buy her a new car; Jordan schemes to attend a concert.

S05E06 Night of Terror 2005-10-28

Jordan turns 13, but still acts like a monster fighting with Bryana. Eventually Jordan lets Bryana walk all over him to avoid further punishment. When he gets his gifts back, Bernie holds back an R-rated movie. Later when Bernie asks Jordan to babysit Bryana one night, Jordan accepts just so he can watch the R-rated movie behind his back.

S05E07 For Whom the Belt Tolls 2005-11-04

The kids finally cross Aunt Wanda's line while Bernie's away. Bernie gives Aunt Wanda "Big Mama's Belt" to keep them in line. The kids wind up fearing her even more than Bernie Mac.

S05E08 Pop Pop Goes the Weasel 2005-11-11

When Bryana's father, Bryan (Anthony Anderson), visits, he threatens Bernie's relationship with Jordan and undermines Bernie's barbecuing techniques.

S05E09 Prison Break 2005-11-18

After misbehaving yet again, Bernie punishes Bryana and Jordan severely. Yet again Wanda thinks he's being too hard on them. But in the end, she catches on. Vanessa turns out to be the sneakiest of them all.

S05E10 Some Church Bull 2005-12-02

In an effort to bring family members closer together, Wanda insists they participate in the annual parish retreat.

S05E11 Sorely Missed 2005-12-16

This episode Bernie and Wanda seriously discuss adopting the children as their own. They talk about it in the car dealership where I try and sell them a car. This episode may have either aired on Dec 16, 2005 or Jan 6, 2006.

S05E12 Fumes of Detente 2006-01-06

When Wanda invites Tasha, Vanessa's best friend from Chicago, to stay with them, Bernie is worried he will have another difficult teen in his house.

S05E13 Exercise in Fertility: Part 1 2006-01-13

After several failed attempts, Bernie and Wanda realize that making a baby is harder than they thought, and Wanda begins to question their fertility.

S05E14 Exercise in Fertility: Part 2 2006-01-20

Bernie and Wanda have undertaken fertility treatments. Wanda suffers from mood swings due to hormonal issues. Distracted with the idea of having a child the couple neglect to stay on top of the kids they already have. Vanessa shares her experience with babies joining a family. She explains the baby will be Bernie's own baby girl, or his son. Everyone will have to adjust, and one will be replaced. Bernie and Wanda adjust to ups and downs with treatment, having to ride out extreme highs, lows, hopes, fears, and consider how committed they have to be to the process, rife...

S05E15 Fantasy Football 2006-01-27

Jordan and Bernie Mac start a fantasy football league but do poor; and Bernie Mac won't really listen to Jordan. With that, Jordan eventually goes to a different league secretly behind Bernie Mac's back. Vanessa primps herself up with make-up for her senior photo. Bryana wants some of the make up too, so Vanessa gives her some of her old makeup. But Bryana gets caught with it at school.

S05E16 Bar Mitzvah Crashers 2006-02-03

After a Jewish family arrive in the neighborhood, Bernie urges Jordan to befriending the son, David. Though hesitant at first Jordan begins to develop a friendship with his new neighbor. Not long after-wards David invites Jordan to attend his cousin's bar mitzvahs with him. After receiving various expensive parting gifts Jordan and David decide to crash bar mitzvahs of people to whom they do not know in order to receive more gifts. Before long it's time for David's bar mitzvahs but Jordan comes to a dilemma because this happens to be the same day of a very wealthy ...

S05E17 Who's Your Mama? 2006-03-31

Baby girls daddy Brian helps out around the house and the kids start preferring him over their Uncle Bernie causing Bernie Mac to take offense. Baby girl gets called flat chested at school and Brian and Bernie fight over who gets to buy her a new bra. Jordan competes for best smile at school.

S05E18 What Would Jason Do? 2006-03-31

Vanessa's school prom is coming up so Bernie Mac picks a boy friend out for her (after doing his usual protective background check). Even after he chooses, he has all these worried fantasies. Bryana injures her ankle so Jordan has to be her servant, but in the end after Bryana took it a bit far Jordan gets some redemption.

S05E19 It's Never as Bad as the First Time 2006-04-07

Jordan dates Erica, one of the cheerleaders at school. Bernie is delighted, but when Jordan and Erica break up, he tries to remedy the situation.

S05E20 Spinning Wheels 2006-04-07

Wanda's sister visits and wants to throw a roller-disco party for Wanda's birthday.

S05E21 Growing Pains 2006-04-14

Bernie makes Vanessa prove she can manage her money.

S05E22 Bernie's Angels 2006-04-14

The kids' carelessness causes Bernie to have a near-death experience.